Still Feeling Connected

I was able to practice everyday this week, however, I gave up on the animals when my cough/chest congestion seemed to get worse and spent time on the MCO and inner chi breathing and inner smile. At times I feel connected to our tribe and look at my watch to see what time it is. Usually it’s when the tribe would be together. I suppose the second week course is following the same format and perhaps I am feeling their group energy.
I looked at the pictures and videos that Ariane sent and it was fun – to see everyone and our talent show – like reliving it all over again. Made me want to really take better care of myself – loose some weight.

Outer Changes

Some mornings I imagine that the circles under my eyes seem less and I look younger. I definitely feel like my hair has more chi!! It seems to stand out from my head more. What an unusual thing to observe. I was feeling pretty tired a few days after I got home from work and just listened to Michael on the audio cds. I did the micro cosmic orbit a few nights but wonder if I am doing it right. I don’t seem to be getting the same results as on Heavenly Mountain.

I am amazed that I have not done seated silent meditation since I went to the course!!! Usually after a few days, I crave for the stillness, but not yet so far. That really surprises me. My eyes seemed to have gotten worse, both near and far. Today I wondered if that might be because I am seeing from my lower dan tien now and it may take some time to adjust. There were a few moments when I could see really well.

I also noticed that I seem to be eating much more healthily now. Less junk, more fruit and veges. Although, I still want my dark chocolate.

Grounding
After practicing meditation for 4 years, I realize how much I was in my head or out of my head, hahaha, – the grounding exercises feel so good – give me a different perspective that feels healthy and earthly. I think it’s an area I need to focus on for awhile. Breathing from the dan tien to the middle of the earth and back and to the sky and back seems basic until I stop…and then I can feel the effects – like a huge appendage from my tail bone to the center grounding me, the connection to the sky seems light in comparison but a sense of balance arises.

Telepathing with Michael
Several times I have found myself writing an email to Michael in my head. I never actually send it. And then it seems like I get an answer back. One night I agreed to do dream work but was so tired the next am, decided not to do it until I am feeling better. I didn’t remember anything so maybe I didn’t really do it. I wonder about Michael. He seems like one person when I read about him on his website and a different person when teaching the course. But one thing for sure, when he practices, I can feel his whole spirit/energy body/presence in what he is doing….even on the DVDs. Last night when I was watching/doing the root breathing, I could feel his energy and felt really good afterwards. Does he read minds? Keep in touch energetically with his students? Know when we are thinking of him and have a question? I would love to hear of some of his inner adventures. I wonder if they might be similar to some of mine. I’ve never shared them with anyone – figured people might think I was nuts!!! I’ll bet he wouldn’t.
Good Vibrations

I woke up feeling refreshed and terrific and did the Inner Smile meditation. I have laid off doing the animals until I am feeling better. They seem to stir up too much stuff. I will go back to them, in a while. My really good feelings lasted for about 2 hours and then it seemed to wear off, but I was in a good mood all day. Happy, satisfied, just enjoying each moment as it happened and had a lovely day. Enjoyed breakfast on the back porch, overlooking my natural back yard, went for a walk around the lake, bought and planted some flowers around my door and window box. Even enjoyed some nice fire works from my front yard. I guess I am responding to being more grounded with the earth.

Synchronicities

I’ve had some synchronicities happen lately, one today that made me laugh. A friend of mine had loaned me the Wayne Dyer book on Intentions recently. I had listened to it a few years back on audio and had given it to an acquaintance about a year and a half ago. We had lost touch. This morning when I looked at my phone, I saw I had missed a call from a friend. I didn’t have my glasses on and thought I hit the call key but when the person answered, it wasn’t my friend and I didn’t know who it was. I thought maybe someone had called me at the same time. It ended up being the person I gave the Dyer CDs to… somehow I had dialed their number. So it ends up we are having lunch on Monday!!! When I went through my spiritual awakening a few years ago, this used to happen to me all the time. I enjoyed it.

Practice
So it’s been nine days the class and I have practiced twice a day every day. I like having some time to do this at the moment. Several days, I could still feel the sexual energy appear when I do the counter breathing, especially. I guess that vortex really pulls it in. I am getting more comfortable with it but can still feel the pull of wanting to have a physical orgasm. I guess that’s what the practice is all about. It’s not been easy to practice. Without the DVDs and audio CDs, I think I would be kind of lost. Michael has done a wonderful job – they really help to reinforce what we learned in class. I like the Blissful Breathing but still haven’t been able to FEEL what’s happening with each section of it. I wrote it down while I watched it and am going to memorize it. I want to be able to really connect with the intention behind the movement. While I’ve felt some bliss, I think it would be 10 times better once I get comfortable with the movements as a story of sorts. So, It’s 12:18 am and I am off to do the MCO. Sweet Dreams.
BlueWaters9

Going back to work and being out in the world pulls me away from my centeredness at times.  I try to remember to spin of my chi ball but when customers come, I have to give them my attention. Perhaps one day I will be able to do both.  I remember in class where we had done alot of internal breathing and been very internal focused and then had to open our eyes.  What a strange and different experience to SEE  from your dan tien(belly). It felt so expansive and inclusive all at once. 

Did the animals in the morning again. It’s nice to wake up and practice at 7:15 which is when the tribe would begin morning exercises – an energy connection.   I think I’m starting to tune into the meditation of it all.  At first it’s so much mind work – organ, color, positive and negative aspects, movement – up, down, forward, in, out,  reminds me of playing golf – how it takes alot of practice to be one with the club and ball.  But occasionally I am able to FEEL the tiger in me letting go of sadness and grief.  I tend to be a positive outogoing person but deep down I know I still mourn the abandonment of my father while I was still in my mother’s womb.  He wanted her to have an abortion.  I didn’t know about this until I was 30ish and while it was unpleasant to learn, worked through it or so I thought.  I have developed a bit of a chest cold and am coughing – perhaps releasing the deep hidden sadness I’ve carried around so long.  It feels like a releasing so I accept it for the moment.

External Body Awareness

At work this afternoon, around 3:30 I begin to get sleepy, well not sleepy but feeling a bit like lying down for a rest.  What it going on?  I NEVER sleep in the afternoon unless I am sick and while I have a mildcough, I do not feel sick!!!  I just want to drape myself on anything standing nearby.  Could it be a connection to the current class activities on Heavenly Mountain?  Or perhaps my body is in the process of changing, morphing to the new me and requires more rest.  

It passes but I can’t wait to leave work and get home to relax. Time – which usually goes fast – seemed to drag on.   But when I do get home, my legs are screaming at me and the mosquito bites I don’t remember getting in the mountains are itching like crazy.  I shake and beat my legs to wake them up but they are not responding much.  I begin to listen to the Internal Chi Breathing audio CD hoping Michaels soft, bedroom voice helps to soothe me/them.  I struggle with restlessness and finally lie on the floor for a while and eventually go to bed at 11 PM.  Now, I am a night owl and usually don’t go to bed before 1 AM.  Something is definitely going on or perhaps it’s just restless leg syndrome.  I am able to finally fall asleep, asking the Dream maker to spin me a dream but he must be tired too. 

Morning Progress

I was planning on doing the animals for a week but don’t feel like it this morning so I continue listening to the Internal Chi breathing CD while lying in bed.  This is when you breath the chi ball forward and  backward  in your belly and then use counter breathing which has a push and pull effect.  It creates a suction to pull in Yaun chi – original breath.  After about 30  minutes, I begin to feel my abdomen area open on the inside,  like there’s a big beach ball in there. It’s surprising and becomes quite arousing.  To have the center of attention in that area, pulsing.  I fell like I want to strech myself as wide open as I possibly can and enjoy the pleasure of it all. And then I see the deep blue water like a wave inside of me – and become one with the pulse of the wave expanding and contracting. Of course, I start to THINK about what’s happening and it disperses.  So I relax, and this time, the blue water forms a perfect round pearl, the most beautiful color I have ever seen – and I feel it smiling at me!!!!! and then it disperses back into the flowing water waves.  I tell my belly I love it, and my heart, I love it, and my mind, I love it – this is part of what gigong is all about – loving onself, body, mind and spirit ,as part of loving the universe – which is really one and the same.

Feeling Sexual Energy

The feeling of expansiveness cracks me wide open and I feel the raw sexual energy in my belly – like it is breathing me and it is so pleasurable and strange.  I try to relax… and feel it permeate my body – is this what whole body orgasm is all about?  WOW – and I don’t even need a partner!  I feel myself feeling FULL and a bit arrogant – like I am better that anyone else because I can do this and it’s SOOO Good.  I’m usually pretty humble so this is a new experience for me – I try no to label it and just be with it.  It’s that same feeling from the other day – where if someone saw me they would have thought I had some BIG juicy secret or like a Cheshire cat, grinning because he just got the mouse and it was so yummy.  I continue to enjoy this for awhile because I have some work to do here.  I recognized this sexual part of me a few years back and it scared me.  I didn’t know what to do with it – how to work with it without it consuming me so I guess I just turned it off.  It was about the same time the man of my dreams seemed taken with me and I thought we would become one, but he chose another.  So I softly ask for guidance on how to play with this energy, to accept it into my whole body, to share it with others, to enjoy it’s presence and not let it consume me.  I guess that’s the Middle Way.  So you see I have a lot of work to do.

After the meditation, I feel deeply grounded and whole like I did at the workshop.  My eyes are shining and I feel very happy.  I dance around like a maniac or perhaps the energy is dancing me. Can I keep this wonderful feeling with me for the rest of the day?  We shall see.

Smiles,

DeepWaters9

I recently attended a Gigong Fundamentals class with Michael Winn (http://www.healingtaousa.com/) at  Heavenly Mountain in NC.   I had an awareness of Gigong and had practiced it sparingly for several years.  On the third day of the workshop, I felt different and knew my world was about to change.  This blog is about my personal experiences as I begin and evolve my Gigong practice.  Michael teaches inner alchemy and it is powerful. I am doing this anonymously so that I can write whatever I experience – nothing held back.

New Perspective

I seem to SEE differently now…from low in my belly – there is a strong sense of being connected to the earth and it feels perfect.  I had an unusual experience on the way home, a time warp perhaps??- although I had left on Wednesday, when I got home later that day, I thought, rather FELT, it was Thursday, and continued to think like that until noon the next day.  I was astounded and embarrassed to realize I had jumped ahead by 12 hours.

Getting Started

I have been meditating and doing yoga almost daily for several years – so beginning a Gigong practice would not be hard for me but would require me to alter my existing practice.  I thought it would be hard to change, but the night I got home, I did earth, heart, sky breathing while watching Michael on a DVD.  It feels different practicing alone after 5 days of intense group work. 

The next morning, I did the 5 animals and healing sounds and imagined myself in the field with the tribe( other workshop participants) and for a moment, almost felt connected to them again.  Still feeling pretty good from all the good tribe chi and working with an experienced teacher.

Aiya Carumbah!!!!!

At about 10:30, I was sitting in front of my computer and all of a sudden, I could feel my chi ball that I had been nurturing at the workshop,  begin to spin in my belly of it’s own volition.  For those of you who don’t know what a chi ball is, it’s an invisible ball of subtle breath/life force  that can be felt and is used in the belly(cauldron) for the inner alchemy to take place.  Imagine my surprise – was this another participant sending smiles at me or perhaps a boost from the teacher to support practice or some personal intelligence that has been activated. 

I could feel my belly expanding and feeling full and luscious, hmmmm, this could be embarrassing – Iwanted to purr – but I’m at work for goodness sake.  The next moment, I felt like a bitch in heat – full of raw sexual energy – I’ve always wondered what a bitch in heat was feeling and now I knew.  I felt embarrassed – what if someone saw me – they would know for sure by the look in my eyes or my vibration, I was certain.  I ran into the restroom and stayed there hardly able to think straight.  I tried to relax and enjoy it but finally asked that it stop and it did.  Whew – I”m not sure what might have happened next – I might have grabbed the first available member of the opposite sex and well, we both would have been shocked!!!  Got to learn to tame that chi  – that’s what is all about, I guess. Using sexual energy to cultivate health and spiritual awareness and growth!  10 years ago I would have laughed at the thought, and here I am, embarking on the journey.  It’s such a shock – the power  – like it might rip me apart.

The Changes Begin

I got out of work early, went home and started reorganizing my house – moving things around,   – is this an external manifestation of what’s going on inside?  I imagine so.  I cleaned my meditation altar with devotion.   It feels good.  Like getting things in order before a trip.  Am I going somewhere? – I”ll bet I am.

Unexpected Happenings

Late that night, I did the Wudang Microcosmic Orbit meditation – it was so different than the other times – it felt like my chi was  flicking out in all directions at high speeds, very unstable and chaotic – it didn’t feel very good – like uncontrollable rage.  I tried to tame it but wasn’t able – like it had a mind of it’s own.  I stopped the meditation and did the inner smile instead.  Sometimes, I imagine Michael is sending guidance from afar, but not this time. 

So, next morning, I shake for a little while to loosen up and do the animals again – I forgot to mention for those who may not know – it’s moving and feeling like different animals to help break old unnecessary, negative beliefs.  Michael teaches them with sounds and colors as well.  And much like the first time I did them watching his DVD – I felt tired after and ended up laying down for 20 more minutes before work. Felt kind of low keyed all day.  Just on the border of  fatigue.  It was so invigorating doing them with the tribe.  I seemed to have developed a cough, too.  Perhaps shaking up stale air deep in my lungs.  That’s associated with sadness and grief which I thought I had dealt with but perhaps this is the last, hidden  piece to extract.

Moving Forward

I realize that it’s going to take some dedicated practice to get to a point where I don’t need to watch the DVDs anymore.  To be able to practice the  moving meditations without thought, only feeling – like the flow of water, as a gentle guide.

This new me, I feel like a different person now, is quitly excited about the unknown future.   New perspective, new tools,  – unsure of where it will lead me but trusting that whatever experiences I have – will help me grow spiritually, physically and mentally and psychologically.

If any experienced practicioners would like to comment on my entry, please fell free to do so.

Smiles…..Going down for a deep dive…

Until later,

BlueWaters9